Cat Daddies
by if-youhaveghosts
Summary: Roomies Kuwata Leon and Souda Kazuichi are having a really rough time with the ladies. Tired of Souda stalking his girlfriend, Tanaka decides to provide the two boys with a distraction: two little kittens. [leonsouda, sayabuki, sondam, hinamiki, more] [teenage parties & hijinks & cute kittens]


Friday night, late after classes, one of Hope's Peak Academy's lavish common rooms in the dormitory building was alight with strings of colored bulbs and a thoroughly useless black light that flickered meekly in a dejected corner. Rambunctious, horny, and vacuously bored teenagers had gathered the sacred party items (cheap beer, paddles, and a junky iPhone stereo speaker) and called each other to the appointed place of communion.

Several hours of merriment had passed, and many students were passed their limit of drug and alcohol consumption.

"Hinata-kun, you're not very good at this, are you?"

Komaeda gazed upon the sloppy beer pong table with profound dissatisfaction. Hinata's complete lack of talent was truly appalling, Komaeda noted, as he tried his hardest to fathom how such a fact could be true.

"The object of the game is to get the ball in the cup, but I can understand why it would be more appealing to throw it at me."

Hinata clenched a fist.

"Shut up, Komaeda."

Hinata Hajime was drunk, and he did not appreciate being taunted; especially not by Komaeda.

"Kuzuryuu-we can't lose to that freaky hoodie-wearing asshole-!"

"-Komaeda is right," said a fed-up Koizumi.

Hinata especially did not appreciate being taunted when he was concentrating intently on his game, which he was too inebriated to see.

"I'm winning."

"Hinata-kun, I can assure you, you are most definitely not winning."

"Feh, on the contrary, while Hinata's performance is fucking pitiful, I think we** are** beating you losers-"

Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko stepped up to the table and threw a perfect shot.

"-All thanks to me."

"Hmph," retorted a disgruntled Koizumi. "Men should be more sportsmanlike. And I-"

She plopped a small orange ping-pong ball into a solo cup on Hinata and Kuzuryuu's side of the table, and Hinata pounded the scored drink immediately, almost forgetting to remove the ball.

"-am carrying this team."

Koizumi turned to Komaeda.

"You're a disgrace."

"Yes, I know."

The redhead put her hands on her hips.

"Ugh, taking sense into you is impossible."

Across the room, Hagakure Yasuhiro, Tanaka Gundam, Souda Kazuichi, and Sonia Nevermind were sitting Indian-style in a smoking circle.

"Yo, pass that blunt, Tanaka," Souda said as he reached out a hand to grab the goods the Ascendant Ruler of Ice was hoarding.

Tanaka held out the hand that did not cradle the joint, his eyes regarding Souda with a rightfully icy fierceness.

"Molest me not, piteous human. The sacred tree is providing the Dark Lord Tanaka Gundam visions of the Kingdom of Hell. Such an arcane substance is not fit for the consumption of lesser life forms, for your mind would melt and become lame."

"That's what it **does**-it's fucking pot. Pass the fucking pot," Souda bared his teeth in agitation. "And I'm not molesting you, that's so gay. And you're gross."

Sonia Nevermind was starry-eyed.

"What does Hell look like, Tanaka-san?"

She rested her hands on her knees, forming her fingers into a mediation pose. She hummed softly under her breath in an incomprehensible chant.

"I want to see... let me see..."

"The sight may be too gruesome, She-Cat... however, I believe in your growing power to access the realms beyond the veil. Perhaps I can show you... with my mind."

Tanaka closed his eyes as well, touching his forefingers to his temples in an attempt to communicate telepathically with Sonia.

Souda succeeded in snatching the joint from the distracted Tanaka.

"Finally, the 'efffff'in pot."

Souda inhaled deeply, holding it for as long as he could before letting out the smoke.

"This is damn good weed. Shit. You are the man, Hagakure."

Hagakure himself sat with his hands folded in his lap, deep in thought.

"The oracle speaks," he said, in an even voice that was not at all like his own.

Sonia and Tanaka gasped, opening their eyes immediately and regarding Hagakure as their lord and savior.

"The oracle speaks," Tanaka echoed. "Mortals! Do not disturb the oracle!"

"How glorious," said Sonia. She was higher than the clouds.

"This moment... this moment in time... is the only moment that exists. This reality is all that is real; and yet it is unreal. We are here but in our minds, and the future and past are intertwined beyond conscious levels of perception, where past, future, and present become one... one with the universal current..."

Again, Sonia and Tanaka gasped.

"The Dark Lord heeds your words, O Great Forest-Headed Oracle."

"This is so fucking occult," said Sonia.

Tanaka nuzzled his face into his voluminous scarf with a look of pure pleasure on his face, and Souda began to laugh, sputtering and hysterical.

"What the fuck, man," he choked out, almost in tears. "You getting your fucking hamsters high in there?"

Sonia stopped her humming and Hagakure opened one eye, red and wide.

"...What!?" Gundam cried.

"Come on-hahaha-you dumbass, where are those little fuzzballs?"

"You... **dare**... imply that I would expose the Four Dark Gods of Destruction to unholy substances!? You twisted, perverse ingrate-!"

"Kyaaah!" Souda lurched backward. "Get away from me!"

Tanaka growled with the ferocity of a hungry wolf.

"Sonia-san, stop him! Kuwata! Kuwata, save me! Where are you, bro!?"

In a darkened corner and stumbling into a closet, Kuwata Leon and Maizono Sayaka were caught in a frenzied make-out session. Drunken, sloppy kisses dragged over each of their mouths and chins, leaving trails of spit like slime from a snail on their faces. Kuwata's hand was up Maizono's shirt, leaving her breast entirely exposed to the crowd as the baseball player and the idol paid no mind to their company.

Fumbling with the doorknob, Maizono managed to crack the door open and fall subsequently into the closet, Kuwata on top of her.

"Ah, it looks like Kuwata's hope has triumphed," said Komaeda from the beer pong table, throwing three ping-pong balls without looking and having each land simultaneously in their own solo cup.

Koizumi's jaw dropped.

"Hey, that's fucking cheating, you fucker!" Kuzuryuu snarled.

Hinata slammed his hands on the table.

"What do you expect of this bastard? Cheater! Cheater, Komaeda! What do you have to say for yourself!?"

"Ah," Komaeda paid their anger no mind, as usual. "You are very drunk, Hinata-kun. Would you like me to take you back to your room? I believe Koizumi-san and I have just won, anyway."

"Hell no you're not taking me back to my room!"

"I demand a rematch!" Kuzuryuu was livid. "Peko! Come here and assist me in assassinating this dumbass 'til he's so drunk he can't think straight! Straight less... less straight... than he already... can't! Feh! Come help, now!"

"Yes, Young Master," said Pekoyama, leaving her pleasant conversation with Oogami Sakura and Asahina Aoi to join Kuzuryuu's side.

"Hey, what about me?" Hinata piped in. "I'm still in this!"

The tall boy slammed another fist on the table, knocking several beer-filled cups onto the floor.

"Hinata, you son of a bitch, I love you, man, but you are fucking drunk." Kuzuryuu reached up and grasped the tall boy by the shoulders, pulling him down to eye level and giving him a wild look. "You are hammered. Go to bed."

Hinata pouted as Kuzuryuu let go of him, mewling like a frustrated puppy.

"I'm not-druhnk-! I'm **fine**! I'm getting revenge on this, on this-" he waved a hand, searching for words as he stared Komaeda down with repulsion-"this **asshole**!"

"I'll let you beat me up if you want," said Komaeda sincerely.

"Man, I hate you," Hinata grunted as he stalked off to the fridge. "Screw you guys."

Koizumi and Pekoyama immediately resumed battle stances, ready to face off. Kuzuryuu shot Komaeda his angriest, 'you've fucked with the wrong people,' 'totally yakuza' look, but Komaeda merely sighed contentedly as he watched his partner struggle in vain to hit the easiest of shots.

He could win in one turn, of course, but watching his comrades hope for victory was much more satisfying.

Hinata fumbled in the fridge and slunk back against the door of the fridge when he shut it, sighing as he cracked open another can of whatever cheap crap beer Hagakure had stumbled out of the store with.

"E-excuse me, H-Hinata-san... are you sure another drink is wise?"

A timid Tsumiki appeared before him, a bottle of water in her hand. She looked up at him with shaky doe eyes. He felt a little dizzy.

"I don't-I-" Hinata held his aching head. "Yeah, I'm fucking totaled. Goddamn it. Goddamn Komaeda."

Tsumiki shuddered at the loudness of his voice, even though he wasn't yelling at her.

"Ah, Tsumiki, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you..."

"I-It's okay, H-Hinata-san..." she said, taking a deep breath to ease her trembles. "Komaeda-san is very troublesome..."

She watched Hinata stare off into space, clearly uncomfortable in his alcohol-filled body.

"Uh-um, e-excuse me, H-Hinata-san? P-perhaps... I-If I'm not being too forward... c-could I bring you back to your room? A-and help you stave off the hangover... h-here, I have water," she said as she held the water bottle out to him.

Hinata regarded her with a genuine smile that made Tsumiki blush.

"Hehe... hehe..." she laughed nervously as Hinata guzzled half the water bottle in one breath.

He sighed.

"Yeah. I guess it's bedtime. Christ."

He stalked off to the door, Tsumiki following him with the watchful eye of a nurse.

Other students were lazing around during this debacle, including the twins, who were in the middle of a very interesting scene on the couch.

Ikusaba relaxed with a beer in hand. She wasn't really drinking it, but held it mostly just to appear to her sister that she was participating in the party.

Enoshima, on the other hand, was sloppily drunk and, for once, was doing everything she could to get her sister's attention.

Enoshima kept grabbing at her sister's legs, trying to pull them apart.

"I want to sit here, Mukuro."

"Junko! N-not here."

"You're such a stuffy pants, Muku-chan! Beary stubborn!" Enoshima pouted. "You are just unbearable!"

Not listening to her elder sister's pleas, Junko pried apart Mukuro's legs and wiggled herself in between them, snuggling up against the soldier's chest.

"Ohh, big sis!"

A sickly sweet smile spread to Enoshima's lips, glistening with drunken sloppiness. Her cheeks were blaring red as her lipstick, and Mukuro felt fire spreading to her own face as she could see some of their friends were giving them the eyes, gazing over at the scene from in between their own conversations.

"Junko-chan, cut it out! Stop it!"

Mukuro's face was beet red.

"No fucking way, Mukuro-nee," Enoshima wrapped her arms around her sister. "You're stuck with me!"

A disconcerting feeling fell upon Ikusaba, a sensation she had grown used to in her sixteen years as Enoshima's sister.

The bubblegum blonde was a fickle wildcard, exempt from deduction of what she was thinking or planning-which was always something-and furthermore, always something dastardly and devastating. Ikusaba tried to read the elaborate plans mapping out on Enoshima's face at that second, but it was as impossible as it ever was to the soldier, who only knew how to obey orders, not fabricate them.

Togami Byakuya stood nearby the couch, looking at Celestia Ludenberg, who stood nearby the window with that awful Yamada Hifumi in some meager conversation that Celestia put on for show in order to make herself appear busy. Fukawa Touko also stood nearby said couch, looking at Togami.

"I-I-I s-shouldn't e-even b-be here," Fukawa pouted, her signature grimace brandishing her face.

"You never do fail to share your general discontentment with the world, do you?" Togami asked.

He was thoroughly annoyed that she was hanging about him like a flea, and he attempted to shoo her off his shoulder.

"I-I-I k-know, I-I'm a n-nuisance," Fukawa muttered.

She made no move, though, to separate herself from Togami. The blonde boy sighed, and resumed chugging his wine after swishing the red drink around in his glass with blatant annoyance, the attitude he never failed to share either.

Fukawa contented herself with the sentiment that perhaps she and her white knight were more similar than he thought, and resolved to compose a poem about it entitled _Vanity of the Soulless_.

For some partygoers, all was calm. Naegi Makoto and Kirigiri Kyouko were having their own pleasant conversation in the kitchen, and Nidai Nekomaru and Owari Akane joined Asahina and Oogami to discuss a new workout scam that had just hit the airwaves, touting five hundred percent success rates.

Kuwata and Maizono were still scamming out in the closet, in some simultaneously known and unknown state of dress, equal parts decent and indecent.

"Damn Kuwata," Souda sighed loudly, tugging at his beanie. "How'd that bastard luck out like this?"

He passed a freshly rolled joint to Mioda who had convened with the smoking circle. She evened out the group and provided Souda someone to talk to. Sonia and Tanaka were currently praying to Hagakure, who shook his dreads rhythmically to the tune of the party music.

An arcane tribal ritual was taking place in the middle of the room, and Souda and Mioda huffed on the joint in annoyance.

"Am I the only person who thinks this is fucking weird?" Souda asked.

Mioda was pouting. Not that she ever did anything meekly or quietly, but in her high and drunken state she was especially obvious with her feelings.

"Sayaka-chan could do so much better than him," she said, scrunching her lips in disdain. "What is Leon-chan doing with her, that creep!? Ibuki doesn't like this at all!"

"Hey," said Souda, "I'm not cool with this either. I'm never gonna hear the end of it. He's scamming out while I'm not any closer to getting with Sonia-san since she's having a freakin' séance instead of macking on me!"

The mechanic was thoroughly distressed and teary, and frankly completely ridiculous to Mioda, who, aside from thinking only of Maizono, knew that Sonia and Tanaka were already dating.

In fact, the entire school knew, and probably, somewhere deep down, so did Souda.

"You are an oblivious one, aren't 'cha, Kazuichi-chan, pal? Ah well, nothing Ibuki can do!"

She stopped and fidgeted with her ear piercings.

"Nothing Ibuki can do but cry over Sayaka-chan! Uwaaaaah!" She moaned, continuing to glance back and forth between the rest of the room and the closet door, from which bizarre noises were emanating particularly and distinctly from Kuwata.

"Goddamnit," Souda sighed. "Our friends deserted us!"

"Ibuki is sad! Sad faaace!"

She took a whopping hit of the joint and coughed.

So Souda and Mioda lamented over their pot, and Tsumiki escorted a wobbly Hinata back to his dorm.

"Augh... I really don't... feel so good, Tsumiki..."

Hinata's headache was growing progressively worse as they made their way down the hall and away from the party. White walls and mundane carpet patterning began to spin, colors and textures much toothier than he normally remembered them, and walking grew labored as if through lead. His stomach ruminated in an uncomfortable way, leaving him on the whole quite disagreeable and unpleasant.

"H-Hin-Hinata-san? Umm... a-are you all right? A-are you going-"

Tsumiki's wide brown eyes watched her companion turn pale, focus flickering as he slumped over-

"A-are you g-going to t-throw-"

And Hinata Hajime did throw up, all over Tsumiki's white tennis shoes.

"Uh-Oh-o-oh..." Tsumiki whined. "Oh... oh, Hinata-san... um, that's okay... this is unfortunate timing, b-but just make sure you get it all out... y-you'll feel better..."

She rubbed his back in gentle motions. Luckily, he was mostly spitting and drooling at this point, and there wasn't too much of a trail of puke on the floor. The smelly contents of Hinata's upset stomach were instead contained to one haphazard shape the size of a frying pan, and, of course, the bits decorating Tsumiki's sneakers.

The girl continued to rub his back as he finished up, sighing and oddly composed. As uncomfortable a situation it was for Hinata, Tsumiki was comfortable.

"Aauugh... Tsumiki... I'm sorry... This is totally-" he retched yet again but nothing came out, and Tsumiki concluded his body had just about finished expelling all the excess alcohol, "-This is so gross, whoa. Ugh."

"I-It's okay, H-Hinata-san..." Tsumiki stammered.

She was a nurse, after all, and she was used to cleaning up vomit, as well as an interesting laundry list of equally unsanitary bodily fluids.

"Wow, just," Hinata took a deep breath, supporting his weight against the wall with one hand as the heaving came to a stop. "Whoa. Whoa. That was so nasty, I'm sorry. And I fucked up the floor."

"U-um, I can stop b-by the i-infirmary and get something to clean it up... I have a k-key, s-so I can get in whenever..."

"God, Tsumiki, no. You don't have to clean it up."

"R-really, um," a light pink rose to Tsumiki's cheeks as she spoke, "t-this is all I'm good for, so I'd be glad to..."

Hinata wiped his mouth with his tie.

_Which is completely disgusting_, he thought, but the alcohol numbed him to sense or shame.

"No, dude," the boy similarly could not control his word choice or sentence structure, "let me help, really, it's my fucking throw up. Show me where the cleaning supplies are."

At this confrontation Tsumiki became nervous and crept toward the brink of tears, her eyes stinging.

"H-Hinata-san!" she cried. "D-don't be angry w-with me! I just want to help!"

Normally he had more tact with her, but he literally could not control what was coming out of his mouth. Stepping forward-miraculously careful to avoid the mess on the floor-he grasped her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"Tsumiki. Tsumiki. Listen to me."

Her face was burning and petrified as he spoke.

"It's cool. It's totally okay. You have to chill because you're freaking me out, all right? And I'm not mad. All right? You can help me clean up if you want but I'm doing this, goddamn it. I got this," he said, and he wobbled a bit, using his grip on Tsumiki for support.

Their faces grazed close to one another's in the midst of his rocking back and forth on his feet.

"And I just got my pukey breath near you, I'm sorry."

They proceeded straight to the nurse's office, getting Hinata some more water and retrieving medical-strength cleaning supplies and sanitizers. It was two thirty in the morning and they were both tired, cleaning up the mess with only a drunken will to motivate them. When they were done and had put everything back, Tsumiki resumed her role of escort and walked with Hinata back to his room. He was doing much better now that he had gotten some of the poison out of his system, but he was still in for a dreadful hangover in the morning.

"Ah, Tsumiki..." he ran a hand through his hair, "your shoes. I forgot to clean up your shoes."

Tsumiki looked down and bobbed on her feet, blushing and giggling.

"U-um, it's f-fine! P-Please don't waste your energy worrying about me-! I'll t-take care of them... hehe..."

Hinata sighed.

"Yeah, okay. Augh, I guess I should sleep." He put his hand on the doorknob. "Thanks again, Tsumiki. So much. I'll make this up to you, I promise."

"Hehehe... that's okay, H-Hinata-san! Goodnight! K-Keep d-drinking that water, please-! Uhh... yeah!" she stammered over her words, voice rising and falling in pitch as was her typical way. "Goodnight!"

Tsumiki waved feebly, and _that's adorable_, Hinata thought, as he kicked off his shoes and shuffled to his bed, barely managing to place the water on the bedside table before he collapsed.


End file.
